Update: I've removed Bitrot's real name from this blog, because well... I'm a good person, and i would feel terrible if something happened to him because of me. More emails will be posted soon. Real names will be removed to protect the "ignorant"
So I guess it's time to clear some things up. I've taken a lot of flack for what seems to be temper explosions for no reason. Well I'm going to share with you all about such things. Recentlly a man I love very much, and I had a parting of ways. He has asked me to make it very clear to everyone that he did not dump me, but rather I requested for us to take a step back. You see he made an error in judgement, but everyone makes mistakes. We hope to someday be able to move past this, but we are taking our time to heal.
What happend is a few people had expressed a concern about my health and it had appeared that i have been distressed and acting out more than usual. He asked if he could share with people who cared about me. My initial reaction was no, but after careful thought i agreed that i do have some very close friends online who do care about me and i told him he could use his best judgement. The mistake he made was thinking that blu was his friend. She asked him if i was bi-polar and he explained to her what the issue was (I'll get into that in a moment). I went to blu and asked her about this, so that i could further discuss what the issue was so that she could fully understand what had happened to me.
Recently I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I left a job where i have been bullied for the last 2.5 years. The reason I never left the job is because my family depended on me to help support the comfortable lifestyle we had become accustomed to, and had worked very hard to obtain. Leadfoot and I are not rich, but we are able to provide our childern with a beatiful home nice transportation and things they need for school.
You see, a person who is abused by a serial bully exibits the same symptoms as a Soldier coming home from war. If you're interested in learning more about this horrifying experience please visit this site. http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm#Differences The main thing one needs to take away from this site is that it is not mental illness, it is a mental injury, curable, but when the PTSD comes into contact with a bully it floods back and it forces the injured person to relive the terror. The stress of it, has caused kidney problems for me, and i'm so anemic i need blood transfusions. It is not a pretty injury. I'd rather be trying to recover from cancer than this.
The mistake he (ControlFreq) made was trusting blu, who is not a trust worthy person. Long story short, most everyone knows that I used to wear Bitrots collar, and behind my back he and blu decided they were going to attempt a r/l. Fine by me, however he expected me to continue to wear his collar, but make no mistake i was going to have to take a back seat to blu, because he loved her. I removed his collar. One thing i can not stand is someone who lies to me. Bitrot and blu's stand point is that he did not ask for his collar back, he still wanted me, but i "threw his collar in his face" i didn't i simply removed it.
Since then, i have endured comments from Bitrot like "hey cunt, find someone new to make miserable yet?"
and as recent as last night after CF and i broke up he was happy to msg me with this
Hey cunt. Sick of getting what you deserve?
I will admit I said some hateful things to blu,k but this after this kind of treatment from Bitrot.
As we all know we are always encouraged to just place people like this on ignore, so that is exactlly what i did. That wasn't good enough he somehow found my new email address and sent me the following email.
-----Original Message-----
From: Bitrot [mailto: butthead@gmail.com]
Sent: Saturday, October 28, 2006 10:22 PM
To:email left out for obvious reasons
Subject: No collar, eh?
Well, let's see.You called and yelled at my father for several minutes and weren't even smart enough to realize other people can answer the phone. (he could have mentioned he still lived with his parents at almost 40 years old)
The only ones in channel who like you are those you import yourself like sara and everyone else - even NightScum wrote you off.
You can't tell the difference between your dom talking to me, and me talking to others about you.
You can't even grasp that liking a music group can be done without regard for their politics.
You can't grasp the concept that others are allowed their own opinions, their own voice, and went completely psycho over someone *daring* to voice an opinion other than yours - on several occasions, over several topics.
You are, in fact, so tolerant of others you answer is that if they don't agree with your views, they can get the fuck out of your country.
Every action you make, every statement you make, is designed for one purpose: to piss off as many people as you can, to hurt as many people as you can, to make sure nobody wants you.
So you aren't collared? Doesn't surprise me in the least. You've given him nothing but crap, and when he tried to figure out what the problem was, you gave him *more* crap instead of being thankful he cared and wanted to help.
Fine, blame it on me, blame it on blu, blame it on anyone but yourself. Fact is, though, it's *you* who chases people away. And yes, I do have blu, because, as something you'll never understand, she is a real person, not just a bundle of anger and hatred lashing out at everyone around her.
No collar? Good. I'm glad. That just means one more person you can't hurt anymore, one more who has seen enough of you and your psycho crap to know there's no hope for you to ever be a real person, someone who cares for anything at all other than what she wants, no matter who gets hurt in the process.
Enjoy your new collar-free status; you earned it. Over and over and over again, you earned it.
The more shit and misery you bring down upon yourself, the better... if you bring down enough, you'll eventually either grow up and become a real person, or simply go away and stop bothering the world of real people.
Either way, the current bitchy, miserable cunt we've all come to know and loathe will be gone, and the world will be a better place.
I'd say have a nice life, but I hope you don't. I hope you go through enough of the shit you dish out to others to learn what it's like to be on the receiving end, and hopefully use that as a basis to grow up and stop being the spoiled little brat you are. I don't expect that will ever happen, you're far too self-centered for that, but one can always hope.
*end*
I spend a lot of time helping other people. I was honored with the volunteer of the year award for 2006 for my outstanding contributions to families of deployed soldiers.
I will be in DC at a retirement for the assistant secretary of defense.
I even left a job because i cared so much about the families i was supporting and my boss was abusing me over it. Because he hates the military.
I hardly think that most people whom I come into contact with, think the world is better off without me.
Question: What contributions to society have these two hateful people made?
Bitrot even mentioned that it's too bad that my suicide attempt failed.
This man and his "real person" is my accuser of being a bundle of anger.
So, just to make things clear. Mistakes were made but CF and I will always be together in heart and even now we are still close. He did not dump me because i gave him constant shit. I will admit that i tore him up over sharing me with blu who immediatelly went to Bitrot, which got me the hateful things you've just read. My hurt and anger was because he shared my life with two people i couldn't detest more in this world. They are liars and deserve eachother. ControlFreq gave them new buttons that i would have never given them. I forgive him for this. But the point is this.... He gave them the buttons, but they chose to use them, just because they could for the sole purpose of hurting me. What kind of decent human being does this? It's simple, they don't.
The good thing that came out of all of this, is that my Master finally saw blu's true colors. Which i've been trying to tell him about. He trusted her, and the first chance she had she stabbed him in the back. He and I will recover, but those two have to live with their black hearts.
I suffer from an injury because I have a good heart. I pity those with no conscience. I will take my life pain and all rather than to be people like them.
Please don't judge me for experiences i shared with you about PTSD. But to avoid the gossip and the nay sayers. I shared one of my darkest secrets with you all, because I consider most of you friends. And if it's true that you all hate me and want me out of channel, I'd prefer candid honesty rather than talking behind my back about something I'm trying so desparately to heal from. If you think you all have suffered because of my wrath, please try to imagine what my poor family has been through. Bitrot was more than happy to cause a set back. I hope he's happy.
Thank you for your time and patience.
nytefyre
So I guess it's time to clear some things up. I've taken a lot of flack for what seems to be temper explosions for no reason. Well I'm going to share with you all about such things. Recentlly a man I love very much, and I had a parting of ways. He has asked me to make it very clear to everyone that he did not dump me, but rather I requested for us to take a step back. You see he made an error in judgement, but everyone makes mistakes. We hope to someday be able to move past this, but we are taking our time to heal.
What happend is a few people had expressed a concern about my health and it had appeared that i have been distressed and acting out more than usual. He asked if he could share with people who cared about me. My initial reaction was no, but after careful thought i agreed that i do have some very close friends online who do care about me and i told him he could use his best judgement. The mistake he made was thinking that blu was his friend. She asked him if i was bi-polar and he explained to her what the issue was (I'll get into that in a moment). I went to blu and asked her about this, so that i could further discuss what the issue was so that she could fully understand what had happened to me.
Recently I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I left a job where i have been bullied for the last 2.5 years. The reason I never left the job is because my family depended on me to help support the comfortable lifestyle we had become accustomed to, and had worked very hard to obtain. Leadfoot and I are not rich, but we are able to provide our childern with a beatiful home nice transportation and things they need for school.
You see, a person who is abused by a serial bully exibits the same symptoms as a Soldier coming home from war. If you're interested in learning more about this horrifying experience please visit this site. http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm#Differences The main thing one needs to take away from this site is that it is not mental illness, it is a mental injury, curable, but when the PTSD comes into contact with a bully it floods back and it forces the injured person to relive the terror. The stress of it, has caused kidney problems for me, and i'm so anemic i need blood transfusions. It is not a pretty injury. I'd rather be trying to recover from cancer than this.
The mistake he (ControlFreq) made was trusting blu, who is not a trust worthy person. Long story short, most everyone knows that I used to wear Bitrots collar, and behind my back he and blu decided they were going to attempt a r/l. Fine by me, however he expected me to continue to wear his collar, but make no mistake i was going to have to take a back seat to blu, because he loved her. I removed his collar. One thing i can not stand is someone who lies to me. Bitrot and blu's stand point is that he did not ask for his collar back, he still wanted me, but i "threw his collar in his face" i didn't i simply removed it.
Since then, i have endured comments from Bitrot like "hey cunt, find someone new to make miserable yet?"
and as recent as last night after CF and i broke up he was happy to msg me with this
I will admit I said some hateful things to blu,k but this after this kind of treatment from Bitrot.
As we all know we are always encouraged to just place people like this on ignore, so that is exactlly what i did. That wasn't good enough he somehow found my new email address and sent me the following email.
-----Original Message-----
From: Bitrot [mailto: butthead@gmail.com]
Sent: Saturday, October 28, 2006 10:22 PM
To:email left out for obvious reasons
Subject: No collar, eh?
Well, let's see.You called and yelled at my father for several minutes and weren't even smart enough to realize other people can answer the phone. (he could have mentioned he still lived with his parents at almost 40 years old)
The only ones in channel who like you are those you import yourself like sara and everyone else - even NightScum wrote you off.
You can't tell the difference between your dom talking to me, and me talking to others about you.
You can't even grasp that liking a music group can be done without regard for their politics.
You can't grasp the concept that others are allowed their own opinions, their own voice, and went completely psycho over someone *daring* to voice an opinion other than yours - on several occasions, over several topics.
You are, in fact, so tolerant of others you answer is that if they don't agree with your views, they can get the fuck out of your country.
Every action you make, every statement you make, is designed for one purpose: to piss off as many people as you can, to hurt as many people as you can, to make sure nobody wants you.
So you aren't collared? Doesn't surprise me in the least. You've given him nothing but crap, and when he tried to figure out what the problem was, you gave him *more* crap instead of being thankful he cared and wanted to help.
Fine, blame it on me, blame it on blu, blame it on anyone but yourself. Fact is, though, it's *you* who chases people away. And yes, I do have blu, because, as something you'll never understand, she is a real person, not just a bundle of anger and hatred lashing out at everyone around her.
No collar? Good. I'm glad. That just means one more person you can't hurt anymore, one more who has seen enough of you and your psycho crap to know there's no hope for you to ever be a real person, someone who cares for anything at all other than what she wants, no matter who gets hurt in the process.
Enjoy your new collar-free status; you earned it. Over and over and over again, you earned it.
The more shit and misery you bring down upon yourself, the better... if you bring down enough, you'll eventually either grow up and become a real person, or simply go away and stop bothering the world of real people.
Either way, the current bitchy, miserable cunt we've all come to know and loathe will be gone, and the world will be a better place.
I'd say have a nice life, but I hope you don't. I hope you go through enough of the shit you dish out to others to learn what it's like to be on the receiving end, and hopefully use that as a basis to grow up and stop being the spoiled little brat you are. I don't expect that will ever happen, you're far too self-centered for that, but one can always hope.
*end*
I spend a lot of time helping other people. I was honored with the volunteer of the year award for 2006 for my outstanding contributions to families of deployed soldiers.
I will be in DC at a retirement for the assistant secretary of defense.
I even left a job because i cared so much about the families i was supporting and my boss was abusing me over it. Because he hates the military.
I hardly think that most people whom I come into contact with, think the world is better off without me.
Question: What contributions to society have these two hateful people made?
Bitrot even mentioned that it's too bad that my suicide attempt failed.
This man and his "real person" is my accuser of being a bundle of anger.
So, just to make things clear. Mistakes were made but CF and I will always be together in heart and even now we are still close. He did not dump me because i gave him constant shit. I will admit that i tore him up over sharing me with blu who immediatelly went to Bitrot, which got me the hateful things you've just read. My hurt and anger was because he shared my life with two people i couldn't detest more in this world. They are liars and deserve eachother. ControlFreq gave them new buttons that i would have never given them. I forgive him for this. But the point is this.... He gave them the buttons, but they chose to use them, just because they could for the sole purpose of hurting me. What kind of decent human being does this? It's simple, they don't.
The good thing that came out of all of this, is that my Master finally saw blu's true colors. Which i've been trying to tell him about. He trusted her, and the first chance she had she stabbed him in the back. He and I will recover, but those two have to live with their black hearts.
I suffer from an injury because I have a good heart. I pity those with no conscience. I will take my life pain and all rather than to be people like them.
Please don't judge me for experiences i shared with you about PTSD. But to avoid the gossip and the nay sayers. I shared one of my darkest secrets with you all, because I consider most of you friends. And if it's true that you all hate me and want me out of channel, I'd prefer candid honesty rather than talking behind my back about something I'm trying so desparately to heal from. If you think you all have suffered because of my wrath, please try to imagine what my poor family has been through. Bitrot was more than happy to cause a set back. I hope he's happy.
Thank you for your time and patience.
nytefyre
posted by nytefyre at 10:50 PM
1 comments
